even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
