Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
