You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize