Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
