im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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