508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You took a bar mat shot.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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