Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
