Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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