I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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