I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
