remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
