And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
