I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
