Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Your topless pictures make me question reality
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
