Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
