At least make sure they are 18
Why
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
