It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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