Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
