I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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