I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
