well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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