If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
