I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
