apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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