Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He did a backflip because drugs
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
