God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
