I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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