so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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