You're a womanizer and a bitch.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
