Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
