I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
