How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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