I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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