sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
