you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
