I think i peed on brittanys purse
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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