Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
