Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
