I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
