I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
