Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
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