i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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