Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
