sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize