Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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