Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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