my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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