ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
