If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
