is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
