I look better un-naked...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
