it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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