6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
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