i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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