How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize