He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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